Why Healing the Past is More Important than Conquering the Future
We may still on rare occasion feel the whispers of what we were labelled as by our peers when we were younger. The pain we experienced as a result of a loss in a family. Perhaps the ordeal of going through our teenage years. The days where we deeply missed our parents, not sure if they would come back.
Somewhere inside us, perhaps we still do.
Perhaps we still feel the pain of not always having someone to speak to in times of need. Or perhaps we are still burdened by the aftermath of carrying so much weight on our shoulders for far too long. Year after year, we experienced the full spectrum of emotions a child can experience … and these feelings lingered multiplied, divided, and sometimes conquered us.
How the past shapes our identity.
- We can skip months, days, weeks and consider the connections between the different parts of our life’s narrative
- We use this to build a framework of who we are, and the role we’re supposed to play in the rest of our script
- Some of us live with the idea that we will eventually overcome our past and become the hero of our story
- Some of us lament where we are and see life with a complete sense of nihilism
But some see of us see the past as just a story — one that we’re not identified with — and that seems to be the healthiest approach. Because when we start attaching our identity through what we’ve experienced, we start to arbitrarily limit ourselves as we become potential victims to what’s already passed by.
How we seek to heal ourselves.
Some of us blindly fall into the sentiment that by reaching certain milestones we can complete our lives; we increasingly separate ourselves from our past in search of a mightier version of ourselves in the future. But in this pursuit, we don’t ask us ourselves questions like: What am I running away from? What traumas have I not healed or let go of?
- We don’t ask ourselves these questions, because they are hard to answer
- We don’t seek help, because we don’t want to appear weak
- Yet, by not looking to heal ourselves, we end up shooting ourselves in the foot
The common shared understanding in psychology is that until you heal your pain, it will always direct you towards more experiences that are similar to it.
The high-ranking 47 year old military general who has the scar of abandonment because his dad left home when he was 12, hardwired that memory into his nervous system and stored a significant negative belief in the name of: “I am not good enough/I don’t deserve to be secure’.
This belief then percolated the rest of his life through the chasm of his experiences, making him more anxious, insecure, and fearful. Undoubtedly, the colour of his relationships took on the same emotional hues. But had he taken the time to loosen his rigidities and begin the process of some deep inner work, he would have come out the other side, a better, healthier man.
Unconventional healing modalities worth exploring.
Summary — healing the pain of the past.
Unless you begin to pay attention to the pain of your past, and look to heal as you begin to let go of your past’s story, you will remain hostage to it; as you continue to draw more similar experiences to your original pain.
