What You Up To This Weekend? Why It’s The Worst Question You Could Ask
What you getting up to this weekend?
The first assumption: I don’t actually care about what you’re doing on the weekend. I’m just making conversation. And this seems like a question people tend to ask on Friday. So, I’m going to jump on the same bandwagon, because I’m a highly original person. And I just kind of want to fit in.
The second assumption: The week is a means to an end. Surely you realise that it’s all about getting to the weekend. Life is about slaving away for five days — so you can enjoy those precious two days. Please tell me that you implicitly understand this so I can feel better about my subconscious operating manual for life.
The third assumption: I would love to compare my weekend plans to yours. Maybe you can give me some ideas on something I can do in the future. Perhaps you can give me an insight into who you really are — because I’m still trying to figure you out. Although it’d be much better for me to talk to you for longer than a minute, I’d rather not.
The fourth assumption: If you answer my question with ‘nothing much’ or ‘nothing’, you’re probably not that interesting. Let me put you on the spot and see if you can tell me something worth talking about. If you can’t, I’m going to leave this little interaction of ours unsatisfied. Show me what you’re worth!
The fifth assumption: You need plans — all the time. If you don’t have any, clearly you have a problem. How are you managing to cope without any? After all, it’s impossible to have an amazing weekend (or life) without them. So, if you’ve got no ideas, you lack the ability to think ahead — and you’re not worth my time.
The sixth assumption: Okay here’s the truth. I’m only really asking you what you’re up to this weekend, in the hopes that you’ll ask me the same question back. Something juicy has come up for me this Saturday. And I’m just waiting for you to say, “What about you?”. Then I’m going to cheer inwardly and give you my answer. I’d love to hear you validate it with a “Oh cool!” so that I momentarily feel better about the clusterfuck that’s known as my life.
